Hi all, its 6am in the morning. i'm not getting enough sleep already... i'm tired .. hungry.. thirsty.. :/ i have no idea what to do. its not bad mood ... kinda like sad or something :( i miss him sooooo very much. i don't know whether i will go bonkers when he go for his thailand trip in march.. i can really feel better with alcohol right now, at least it helps me to sleep. i don't think its worth it when someone does things for me, basically, i don't think i'm worth it. i'm not the perfect girl that he wants, i don't have a pretty face , i don't have a slim body , i'm not tall. i have skin rashes once in awhile (which is really gross) , i don't have straight teeth , i don't have long beautiful hair , i'm not feminine , i'm not sweet. i don't know how to express my feelings to people i love , i'm not daring , i'm not very sociable . i don't tell him every single time that i love him , i miss him.. i would rather keep it to myself. overall, i feel i'm not good enough for him. I have a fucking bad past relationship with my past boyfriend . He was the one who took everything away from me. till now, i can't find a reason why was i so insane to actually be with him for 8 months. 8 fucking months. i wasted my 8 months because i was blinded by the words he told me.during the 3 month , i should have stand firm on my decision and leave. Afterall, i can't say that there are no happy memories when i was with him , i would be lying if i said so. However, the happy memories was only during the 1st and 2nd month. From the 3rd month onwards , i wasn't happy anymore. nightmares filled my dreams every single night. all i can say is , he's a very very irresponsible person , who doesn't have the guts to take responsibility / consequences of his actions. he wanted everything but he refuse to give anything. yes, on the outside , he gave me everything, like waiting for me outside my school , sent me home and stuff like that. but imagine, every single day, he comes even though i asked him not to, he still never fail to appear.. , i can't have a proper lunch / outing with my friends , WHY. because he's there. My friends don't mind interacting with him, but with that grumpy face of his, who wants too? you may feel that i'm saying all his flaws because i'm not with him anymore, because we're not together, or i'm upset that we're not together. But, the fact is i'm very very super duper happy that i'm not with him anymore. i have my flaws too, i'm quick tempered, i love ( LOVE) to guai lan him , i give annoying answers to every question he asks me , my pride is more important than him. i pick on many things when i was with him. but there's one thing that i will never never forgive or forget. I don't care about him leaving me and all those shit. Because i know myself , i never loved him. It was an illusion , i thought i loved him but i didn't. if i did, i wouldn't get over him in 1 day. I wouldn't forget all the happy memories that we had . but the fact that he was irresponsible , it pisses me off. which guy would not take consequences of his actions? a mentality of a 1 or maybe 2 year old kid. Or in other words, he's a coward.
At least , i'm happy that its over . and that i have a really great boyfriend right now.
ooooo, ya! i know i have a larrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeee face on top of my posts in my blog hehehehehehehehehehehhehehe HUGE HOR?! HAHA (y) I LIKE K. BYE
xoxo
